Everyone has an idea of how they want to spend the rest of their life. I’m lying actually, we all think we know what we want to do, but in reality most of us are clueless. We spend at least three years of our adult life after graduation studying for what we think is the right career and then we have that brief moment where we pause, and say “What the heck am I doing!” You see careers are a tricky thing. We think that we can actually make up our minds as to how we plan to spend the rest of our lives, but how do we know until we actually jump into that field.
For example, I chose to dedicate myself to the education field. Yes, I am going to be a teacher, and as a matter of fact I always swore I would never be a teacher. However, here I am in my last semester of school about to jump into student teaching, and let me tell you I am scared out of my mind. Don’t get me wrong. I have had those moments were I get home so pumped up because I just cant wait to get in a classroom and make a difference! Then I have days like I’ve had this past week, where I am such a baby and absolutely dreading being in a classroom. Don’t get all worried it’s not because I hate kids, or learning. It’s the complete opposite I love learning and I love the content area I chose, which is English Language Arts. I think deep down its the feeling of failure. I mean you spend four years of your life studying like crazy, and almost losing your mind due to no sleep and stress because you think you know what you want to do. Yet in reality you could actually fail horribly, and all that hard work, money, and time goes to waste. Just because I say that I want to be a teacher doesn’t guarantee me that I’ll be good at it, and I can have all the preparation in the world but still not be prepared enough. It’s rough and it’s a horrible feeling.
I really just wish I could fast forward to my fifth year teaching and be this like master at what I do. Don’t judge me! It’s the reader in me. I’ve spent too many hours with my head buried in a book. I like thinking that life could be that easy, even though I know that will never happen. I used to think that I would have it easy that loving what I do would be enough in the teaching field, but the reality is that teachers have it a lot harder than what everyone thinks. It is crazy what we have to have done by the end of the year. Kids need to be master at what you have taught and if they aren’t the teacher usually pays. You’re probably thinking that I’m exaggerating. Well I absolutely am not! Regardless of the diversity, or learning levels in your classroom you must make sure that each student leaves with 100 times more knowledge then what they walked into your classroom with. It seriously scares me to think that I wont have what it takes, and I know it takes growing in order to get where you want, but if these kids smell fear you might as well quit on your first day because they will eat you alive.
Again I’m not saying kids are evil or something. I am saying they have a sixth sense, and know whether or not you are going to teach or be a waste of time. This student teaching business is definitely going to be a challenge. I know that it will require absolutely every bit of me. I wont lie I really am excited, because like I said the concept of kids learning from me is awesome. I also know that I chose this career for a reason. I decided that I would make a difference. So many teachers these days enter the field for all the wrong reasons. They go in as dictators looking down at their children, but they’re wrong. These kids need people to trust, someone to confide in, and lead them in the right direction. One thing I never realized until an observing teacher gave me some very important advise. He said, “kids expect honesty, if you are real with them they will respect you.” Many of you may think that is naïve, but I’ve seen this in action and it works miracles. When kids are respected they have fun learning and they don’t make it their personal mission to destroy you.
I know y’all may think I did a lot of ranting, but I actually feel better right now. I think sometimes people need to feel unconfident, or lost in order to realize that they’ll be okay. If life were meant to be simple what kind of life would that really be? I know it’s been rough, and I’ve had soooooo many obstacles that I had to overcome, but when I walk across the stage in December I think I might just jump for joy! Ultimately knowing that if I fail, all I can really do is get up and try again.
So my final thought for you all is, Why not Be Invincible?